We recently read about a baby shower that left us a little befuddled. The shower was planned, and all the guests had R.S.V.P.ed when the mother-to-be found out she couldn’t make it. On doctor’s orders, she was supposed to stay off her feet and rest.

But instead of canceling the shower, she insisted that her mother host the event with her friends and family members despite her absence so that she could still benefit from the gifts her guests were bringing.


Does this seem odd to you? Have you ever been to a baby shower without a mom-to-be as the guest of honor? What would you do if you were in her shoes? You tell us!

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Category: Baby & Family, Baby Showers
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27 Responses

  1. Kelly says:

    I would’ve asked the host and guests to come to me instead of me coming to them. I was on moderate bedrest during my pregnancy and was often frustrated and lonely. I’m sure the mom-to-be would enjoy the company as well as the new items.

  2. Shannon says:

    I agree with Kelly – they should have altered the venue to come to the mom-to-be. I’m sure everyone would have been glad to help with any clean-up (possibly leaving the home in a better state than they arrived -nice!) As a guest, I certainly would have been put-off by this, and I also experienced a time of bedrest while pregnant.

  3. Lisa says:

    I have been to a shower like this. Going to the mom to be isn’t an option most of the time. The mom that missed her shower was in the hospital and there was over 100 people there.

    What they did instead was have the hubby show up, videotaped the whole thing, and had her on speaker phone from the hospital room.

  4. Jori says:

    I have heard of mom’s to be having to postpone the shower due to early labor or bed rest but I am not sure how I would feel about having the shower with out the mom to be. Well I can tell ya how I’d feel I would feel as it was simply about the GIFTS and that drives me wild!! Had the shower been postponed or cancelled I would imagine most people would still have given a gift.

  5. I was on moderate bedrest with the first and we had my shower after the birth of the baby–but I wasn’t interested in the gifts as much as the companionship after being isolated for much of the pregnancy.

  6. labmom says:

    I am a mom on bed rest who has recently relocated states away from family and friends. I know if I have a shower at my home, then no one will be able to attend. I have found online showers where they are hosted on the web, yet that prevents my non computer savy relatives from attending. I could have the shower after the baby is here in November but to drive states away with a newborn is out of the question. Anyone have any suggestions? If not I am going to have my sisterinlaw throw one without me present.

  7. toys says:

    Hi there…I was looking for things on Bing for my baby and your website came up. I must say I enjoyed your blog post, and although I don’t have time right now, I’ve bookmarked your site and will be back to read more soon. Cheers.

  8. Bobbie says:

    My daughter-in-law would like to have a shower for my other daughter-in-law who lives in Colorado, We live in Ohio. It is to far for her to travel. Any suggestions would be appreciated

  9. That was interesting . I love your finesse that you put into your post . Please do move forward with more similar to this.

  10. Laura says:

    I am hosting a baby shower for my daughter in law in 2 weeks. She lives in DC I live in KY – she was told by her DR that she could fly home before we made these plans now she has been told no flying or driving! My son has already taken military leave to be home for this event. He is still flying home to be the guest of honor at the shower, however, we will have the mother to be on Skype (video internet) so she will be able to interact with everyone even tho she will not actually be there in person.

  11. Quite nice this article, gave me some great ideas 🙂

  12. balance bike says:

    You made some solid points there. I did a research on the topic and found most people will agree with your blog.

  13. Once again I find myself reading a very well written article here on this blog. It’s so hard to find content written this well on other blogs. Congradulations on your dedication and writing style and thank you for being here.

  14. Sounds like something my sister would have done 🙂

  15. I love this blog. Very well presented. Baby showers are common in our family. I love the ideas in this blog. Thanks 🙂

  16. Betty E. says:

    I would say, just have the baby shower after the baby, but if the mom was put on bed rest at the last minute and everyone RSVP, then just have it and make sure everyone has a good time.

  17. I certainly do think it’s odd. I guess the shower is supposed to be for the new mom, but that does seem a bit outlandish to me. I would say though that it would change my mind slightly based on whether the mom was a first time mom or not. First time mom gets more slack in my opinion.

  18. Vern says:

    This happened to me with my first baby. The shower was planned, and the day before the shower, my doctor put me on bed rest. Since the shower was 4 hours away, my sister called all the people who RSVP’d and canceled it. Some mailed me my presents and others gave them to me when they came to see my baby. In my opinion, throwing showers for yourself or not being present is tacky. It definitely makes it look like the person is only interested in receiving gifts.

  19. jenny says:

    But, what about when the shower is planned by the mother knowing that the pregnant mom (her daughter) will not attend? I’m not an etiquette expert, and am willing to let customs evolve to fit new circumstances. However, I’ve been told 1. that the mother of the mom-to-be should not be hosting the shower, and 2. that it is highly unusual (or just not done) to have a shower without even intending for the expectant mother to be there. What do you think?

  20. Jaime says:

    What is the deal people? I can’t believe how unsympathetic some are that if a woman is going through complications, they would change their minds about providing a gift and their support because the mother couldn’t be present at a baby shower. Do you know of anyone who plans on being on bed rest?

    Any type of shower is about the gifts, no? I mean who shows up to a shower with out one? Isn’t it that you are “showering” expecting parents to be with gifts to help them to prepare for the baby? Isn’t that why you have a shower for your first baby, and not typically babies there after?

    I am shocked to hear people feel this way. One of my life long friends moved to out of state after getting married. They were blessed with a pregnancy and ended up having major complications. After losing one child and then ending up on bed rest with the second pregnancy, they certainly were not going to travel home.

    My thoughts are that you go to a shower to celebrate the expected arrival of a healthy happy baby and that those you invite are those you consider very close. I am so empathetic to my friend’s situation and want to support her since I can not drive to her. I will DEFINATELY show my support by sending my baby gift early so that she can have a couple things she needs prior to the arrival of her new baby. Even more so because for her and her unborn child’s health, she can not go out shopping and prepare for her baby.

    • Kathy says:

      I know this is 5 years past your post, but I’m so glad I read it. We are planning a shower for a woman that has waited many years on being pregnant and now she is with twins. She lives over 6 hours away and it’s too risky for her to travel. We still want to shower her with gifts and love. And I hesitate no more. Thank you for speaking out on behalf of the pregnant mothers.

  21. Leila says:

    I could not agree more with you Jaime. I have always felt like a shower is about supporting the guest. Not judging her for not being able to attend her shower based on circumstances out of her control. be selfless and shower the mom to be with gifts!!

  22. Erin says:

    I was looking up stuff on the internet to see what the “etiquette” was on continuing on with the plans for a shower when the mother-to-be wasn’t in attendance… our shower is on Sat (it’s Thurs. today) and the mother-to-be just went into labor (early) this evening. Do we carry on with the shower? Well, part of me thinks no, but also I think we should have the shower. It is not very considerate to the guests who have already purchased gifts to expect them to hold on to the gifts for another month or so (especially if they purchased newborn gifts). I also feel that the brand new parents are in dire need of the items they were going to receive at the shower.

    As a guest at a shower where a mother-to-be is not present, I may think it’s weird at first thought, I would be completely understanding (especially because it is someone whom I care deeply about). The whole point (as mentioned earlier by Jamie) is to “shower” the parents with things that they will need to take care of their baby. Why would you not want them to have those items? Everyone (unless you are rich) needs help from friends and family. To be so concerned about someone only wanting you for your gift, sounds thoughtless and heartless to me. Besides, the guests will still get to party, there will be food drinks (maybe even alcoholic beverages now that the mommy can’t be in attendance), and fun socializing with friends and family — that sounds like a good time to me buddy!

  23. mary s says:

    weel, my daughter live faraway in ky, she has no family their! she`s having twins, boy and girl, her family and friend live in tx. I figured I would help her an in her honor have one for her!! cause it would help them anyway. and I`ll be going up their any way in march for the birth. what do you all think.now please no hating.!!!!

  24. Excited Gma says:

    Glad to be able to voice my opinion, as my daughter has been in the hospital for 3 wks. on bedrest and is now home, on bedrest, first pregnancy with twins. A shower has been planned within the next 3 wks. and I feel it should continue without her, as this was totally unexpected! As someone previously stated, it’s about the little newborns being showered with love and special things from special people. Please don’t be judgemental towards the mom-to-be, as she would certainly attend if possible….things are difficult enough for new moms, so don’t add to that by condemning her for something she has no control over. Go to the shower, enjoy the company of others who love and want the best for both mom and baby….you will be glad you did and so will she!! Spread love not hate!!

  25. Jenene says:

    My sister went into labor thursday and her baby shower is sunday (today) she will be in the hospital till tomorrow any ways that left her mother in law plenty of time to reschedule he baby shower but she refuses to istead it seems as if she want to stand in as the guest of honor and she hasnt even told anyone that my sister wont be there .. also i was throwing my sister a baby shower and this woman done this in secret so to say so i had to cancel my shower for her to accomadate this crazy woman she is even going to open her presents…

  26. Tylee says:

    I have anxiety and don’t leave the house but it’s my first baby and my friend wants to throw a shower. How do I handle that?

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